taking things too literaly

I wrote this story on Goodreads awhile back. My stories tend to come from dreams (daydreams or nighttime ones). Sometimes I just like to miss taking that left turn at Albuquerque. My fan fictions usually what if this character met somebody in a world where they normally wouldn’t be. For example this story contains elements from both “The Goblet of Fire” and “The order of the Phoenix” as well as a small bit from the James Bond film “Golden Eye”. All characters are the property of J.K. Rowling. With a brief mention of characters from the world of James Bond. Any resemblance to anything is purely accidental.


It was Christmas at Hogwarts and the kids had just returned to Grimmauld Place where the Order of the Phoenix now resided thanks to Sirius Black. Instead of greeting Sirius enthusiastically as Harry usually did, Harry greeted Sirius with a rather unfocused hello and went straight to his room.

The Weasley twins, each taking one side, put arms around Sirius’ shoulder’s, and suppressing chortles, directed the man toward the couch.

“You’re welcome to listen too…if you dare”, said the twins looking around at the others now grinning broadly.

“Ron and Neville Longbottom were chiefly responsible, but the real star of this show was Bellatrix Lestrange”.

Now Sirius, as well as the rest of the order, was totally shocked to hear that the death eater was involved in anything that anyone could possibly consider funny.

“As you know”, they twins began, putting their hands behind their backs and pacing back and forth with heads down as if explain their case to courtroom full of jurors, “To see what was in the hearts of the tri-wizard champions…a spell was cast to see a story they considered inspiring or as came up in Harry’s case…the last he watched”.

“Just the same as you adults”, they each extended a hand with a finger arcing around till they met each other, “were trying to guess why this particular film was significant to Harry. The death eaters were taking a far more literal approach”.

Smirking the twins continued their story, “As you”, indicating the order members again, “noticed that Bond’s first name was James and chose to focus on how Harry is both like and unlike his father. The death eaters on the other hand were focusing on the story itself. How no matter the plan…all hell would end up breaking loose when James got involved”.

Now Sirius was smiling broadly and rocking mirthfully back and forth.

“The death eaters noticed particularly that the character of James seemed to have a particular affinity in his way” they looked up into Sirius’s eyes that were now also glistening with the same mirth that the twins were displaying.

Continuing, the twins related with barely a pause for effect, “the ladies.” Sirius’s devil like grin widened, although he was immensely enjoying the twins story, he was having trouble restraining his growing curiosity about his cousin (who happened to be several years his senior) fit in to the story.

“Initially the death eaters tried to find an age appropriate match among Slytherin Houses’ female population. But Harry, being naturally shy around girls”, they gave Sirius a wink,” made himself scarce. So naturally the death eaters felt he would respond better if danger was involved, enter the one death eater that reminded them most of the female villainess Ms. Onatopp. The woman who enjoyed killing men in the throes of passion with her thighs”.

Mrs. Weasley was horrified, but before she could say anything, Fred and George simultaneously said, “We’re seventeen mum”, besides we didn’t exactly chose the movie”. They said with a glance up the stairs.

Continuing as if they hadn’t been interrupted, “Fortunately Harry talks in his sleep, so both Neville and Ron each placed their wands near Harry’s ears and hollered the spell “FRIGID AQUA EXTRIMIS”!

Sirius was now doubled over on the floor rolling with laughter, while the twins, looked down at Sirius and said, “I bet your cousin never had a cold shower in her life. The poor git upstairs is probably still shaking water out of his ears”.


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