Remaining addendum to Princess

Lucius’s eyebrows rose sharply and he began to stand as if he needed to rise in order to think properly. He slowly sat back down stroking the bottom of his chin and asked softly, “What do you propose?” Seeing Doby smile and raise his hand, the little elf snapped his fingers and a surprised Lucius was now seated on the other side of the glass looking at himself! He was going to walk out of here as if he were Harry Potter!

“You know more magic than Draco and myself combined”, the man in the boys body acknowledged this with a nod. “She needs you…go to her.” Doby said quietly, “I’ll be back for you in 10 seconds.”

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2 thoughts on “Remaining addendum to Princess

  1. “he began to stand as if he needed to rise in order to think properly.” This is you best line. I really like the word picture.

    You have a few grammatical mistakes. One sentence in particular switches subjects midway through, I think.

    “Seeing Doby smile and raise his hand, the little elf snapped his fingers and a surprised Lucius was now seated on the other side of the glass looking at himself!”

    Doby is the little elf, correct? The way this sentence is worded, Doby is seeing himself smile and raise his hand. Or is there a third character? I got Lucius and Doby…

    Like

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